If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
