i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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