beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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