i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
