i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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