her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
