i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
