eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
