the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
