if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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