Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
