I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
