naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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