I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
