I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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