the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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