Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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