Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Someone came in the potted fern
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
