Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
