Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
