Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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