That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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