So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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