i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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