It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
