this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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