I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
