it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
