I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
