My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
