i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
