I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
