Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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