wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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