my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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