I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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