no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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