he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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