I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
