chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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