In the future we'll all be gay
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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