She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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