We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
