Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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