I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
