did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
