wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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