Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
