You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
