No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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