Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
