I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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