He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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