I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
