matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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