oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
