Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
