My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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