I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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