Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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