apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize