Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
