the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
