Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
