After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
