your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
