I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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