How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
