Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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