Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
