it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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