When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
