You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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