Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
