Will you blow on my dice?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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